Shame
I went to Oktoberfest yesterday.
I was actually looking forward to it, to blow off some steam and forget about my worries for at least a few minutes. I did not go for the last 2 years, and the memories I had from before that were that it was a stinky place full of tourists.
We had a table reservation this time, so the environment was nice this time. My friends are great, and the conversation was chill. Even the food was surprisingly good!
But I drank way too much. To the point where I was falling around and embarrassing myself.
An Australian bloke who could barely stay on his feet himself threatened that he would kill me because he thought I was chatting up his girlfriend. I lost a 50€ bill somewhere, and after waiting for some Flammkuchen I cannot remember a single thing anymore. I just remember miraculously opening the door to my place, stumbling into the kitchen to drink some water, shattering a plate on the floor, cutting myself on my little toe, bleeding everywhere, and then falling into bed and basically passing out.
I got up religiously at 8 this morning when the alarm rang to head to the office for work, but I still felt drunk and sick until noon. I did not tidy the shattered plate until a few minutes ago. Some blood splatters are still here and there, on some furniture and the laminate. The whole day has been like a trance. What the fuck am I doing?
It was fun, but currently, I only feel shame. I feel guilty, dirty, and irresponsible.
I will go to Oktoberfest again, but the moral is that I have to be an adult. I knew my limits, and I chose to ignore them. This is not about being risk-averse; I acted like an idiot.